The truth. heh. Why am I finally coming out with it? Because I know my roommates are beginning to think I'm weird for locking myself in my room all the time, and for staying up really late, and being antisocial. Either that or I'm paranoid, but either way I feel that they should know the truth. And I feel that everyone else should too, because all but a few people don't know the real me.
I'm bipolar. Bipolar 2 to be exact. Bipolar is cycling between severe depression and severe mania (to points where you might think you were God or Jesus or someone you were not). Bipolar 2 also has severe depression, but does not have as bad of a manic side (I only get really hyper and think everything's funny when I'm manic).
I've had bipolar my whole life, but I was only diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Since then, I've been trying different medicines trying to find one that works. The medicine I'm on now, Seroquel (mood stabilizer) and Zoloft (antidepressant), is working for the most part. The problem is, I still have mood swings, which unfortunately I'll have the rest of my life. At times I don't want to be around other people, and just want to be by myself (like lately). I don't want to be by myself to do bad things either; I don't want to kill myself, I've never done drugs or alcohol, and I plan on never doing either (My life is already inhibited enough by bipolar, that I don't want to use anything else that would inhibit me further). At times I'm really really depressed when I want to be by myself, but at other times (like now) I'm by myself because I feel awkward around others (I don't really know how to respond to other people, like I don't know what to say or do, and when I'm silent or don't do anything, I feel really awkward and get afraid of what others think of me).
I'm not coming out with the truth because I want sympathy; I just want people to better understand me. If you have any questions about bipolar, or about me, or whatever, feel free to talk to me about it and feel free to ask questions.